What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
