I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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