I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
