Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
