you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
