I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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