I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
