Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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