I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
