Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
