return my video game
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize