He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
