if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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