i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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