Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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