Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
honey bunches of taint.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
