I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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