im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize