I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
