i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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