My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
