Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We smell like vodka and hangover
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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