Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love accidental penises.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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