did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
