If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
