Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
