i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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