Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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