listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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