I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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