at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
