So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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