non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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