matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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