I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize