Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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