do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
