Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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