He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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