If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
