Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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