....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
