They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
