3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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