I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
