i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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