my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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