There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
