hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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