Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
