so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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