You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
