Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
