SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
