How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
