how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize