Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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