drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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