I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
