I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
do herpes really smell.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize