Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
