I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
