Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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