its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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