I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
