i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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