got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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