I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
