I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
