She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
