Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude. I can hear the air.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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