i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
