you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
